🌿Church of the Gentle Quill🌱

Ya Scampers are both Romp and Fend:
Ya may be Spiky, but deserving o Snugs

This hedgehog is you, may ye be as spiky as necessary. The branch and leaf, our community. The log is versatile: both sanctuary once hollowed, and defense if you sharpen and/or throw it really hard.

Edicts o the Quills

So it was written, in HTML5: the Sacred Enuff Texts. May Markdown be its grace and LaTex be voluntarily obtainable. (And they're more like guidelines, really.)

1. scamper, whether alone or with others
2. bite things- in affection and curiousity
3. respect the ground
4. nurture the hedge
5. be squishy
6. honor the expression of paw
7. curate lovely nests

But remember: Quills are Pointy for a Reason. Assert your boundaries and defend the safety of your fellow Hedgies.

Emendations

As long as it can be bolstered through the Sacred Enuff Texts, whatever is hastily scribbled on a sticky note will also hold true. Some Common Emendations are:

1. stay active
2. (general harmless mischief)
3. do not litter
4. take care of environment and yourself
5. be flexible, not tolerant of intolerance
6. use of generative AI is forbidden
7. sweep and vacuum once in a while
8. punch a nazi in the face

Members and Fellowship

To become a member, self-declaration is all you need: Yeh, I do Hedgehog About. You may even want a sort of Name should the mood strike you (and that is open to interpretation). That's it. You're a Hedgie!

Should a Hedgie call, you must respond: a random weird sound for another random weird sound. Yip, Yap, Yipe, Chirp, Squeak: Any manner of sound.

Your congregation is a Posse of fellow Hedgies, and the Nest is where you meet. If you are a solitary partitioner, the Nest is the favorite place in your home.

You may have some sort of Stick. It can be a wand,cane, or just that really cool stick you found on your last outing.

Should you Lack a Stick, a Wooden Object will also suffice. Future denominations will also accept Cool Rocks. They don't need to be Suspiciously Shaped Like a Hedgehog; that's cool tho.

Should you ever wish to leave The Church of the Gentle Quill, need only to reverse your self-declaration: .tuobA gohegdeH od I ,heY. (Or you can just stop. We'll get the message.)

Critter's Sacrament

Once a week Hedgies shall meet in the middle (a fancy way of saying "Wednesday"). Have tea and gingersnaps on hand.

...Sorry, what's this about a temple? Nah. Assume it's outdoors or in an open air structure or something. Go outside! Be on brand and have a picnic in some hedges.

Or, like, in someone's living room on a really big couch. Get creative here.

Service starts when a cookie is bitten in to. Cherish the camaraderie amongst yourselves, or be in awe of your existence if you are a solitary partitioner (and think about how wonderful you and your people are).

Service concludes when all the tea is gone or someone goes "Welp, I best be getting on, then," or "How about we go get some real food?" As service ends and you disperse back into the weeds, remind yourselves of The Edicts with this simple Word:

scamper-bite-ground-hedge-squish-paws-nest-quill

How very sbghspnq!

Major Paw Jubilees

Any day is a great day to celebrate anything! But especially, 🎉Your Birthday🎉. Gentle Quill tradition bestows upon you several Stickers, and the sharing of Spinach Cookies may be partook.

There is also...

March 31 🍃
The Greenleaf Scamper

With your cane or walking stick, partake in a hike. And make those doctor appointments you've been putting off.

June 01 & July 30 🌭🔥
Roast of the Weenies

A feast day with food cooked over open flame (or, if indoors, an appliance).

Vegetarian and vegan options also encouraged. As another alternative, you can roast your weenie friends (affectionately).

Cool off with water, whether it be swimming or staying hydrated with flavored water or really cheap beer.

Sept. 30 📣
Yells Day

Really get in your feelings-- good or bad-- and express them with karaoke (be it in a bar, library, or couch), or just singing along with songs that resonate with you.

For the shy, partake in other avenues of self-expression that don't make you panic.

You get extra credit if you also observe National Rage Week.

Oct. 15 🕯🦇️
Your Somber and Your Fun

You may do a combination of

• partying
• general goth stuff
• veneration of the dead
• welcoming in the colder months (and soup season)
• deep work, however that means to you
• a feast of thanks
• just like, chillin'

December 15🧦
Blanket Nest Evening

At sundown, gather with others to share fancy grilled cheese sandwiches, pillows, and blankets. Wear comfy socks. This can also be a solo activity of reflection and introspection... or just curl up with a good book.

Dec. 32 - Jan. 00 ❓
The Inbetween Whatsit

Commonly known as New Years Eve-Day, as we understand it, around Dec. 30th and ending about Jan. 02st. Except, there's like, extra days in there. Time is a farce. Get really creative while you're in there, but tell no one what you witness.

And last, but not least...

June 4 💾
File Creation Day

On June 4th 2025, the CotGQ was founded (as in, I cranked out this website within an day). My therapist saw no reason for concern.

Common Queries

...Do I need to be a furry?

No, but I'll say "yes" because someone's gonna be mad. And no, your fursona does not need to be a hedgehog (they're Honorary Hedgehogs).

What about the afterlife?

the what now

You got anything cool in there, like a stripper factory or a beer volcano?

oh ok hang on

The "default" Afterlife for Hedgies: a coffeehouse with ample back support, any food and drink combo you could want, and with ambiance that doesn't want to make you rip your ears off.

To the right of the barista is the The Choose-Your-Own-Afterlife kiosk, complete with these Options: "Opt-Out," "Respawn," or "I'm Feeling Lucky."

Are you a scam or after my money?

If this ever outgrows my personal funds (bolstered by Ko-Fi), there will be transparency and accountability as to what is going where.

Are you a cult?

We are Definitely Not A Cult. (Nudge nudge, wink wink. Join our cult.)

You've committed to the bit, but will you ever take this seriously?

Only as serious as we need to be. I love community and snacks and being nice. Let's have fun along the way.

What's the basis of this stuff?

• something definitely nature-based
• some sort of paganism
• cool stuff like humanitarianism and socialism
• an irreligion or whatever but without the fedoras and self-rightrous sneering
• and maybe that one with the chaos, for funsies

I also saw The Good Place like, twice.

Why do you hate Christianity so much?

Y'all done some bad shit: colonization, defying the separation of church and state to impose your beliefs on others, making Jesus a white dude, and thinking getting up early on a Sunday morning is a good idea.

No, I'm not further quantifying that. If that statement of fact and history upsets you, assume it's about you, personally. :)

Hey. You asked.

Isn't this some antifa leftist woke communist social justice warrior liberal [insert more synonyms for "just being a decent human being with empathy"] thing?

Yes. Yes it is.

✊🏿🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇵🇸